*sigh*
- Mood:
anxious
( Stein um stein mauer ich dich ein )
[/endrant]
- Mood:
disappointed - Music:Rammstein - 'Stein Um Stein'
Dear god. Pretty much spent the whole night talking to C, and it's now 1.24am
o_O
Mind you, the conversation had gaps in between, but we maintained a fairly steady pace, and there was no awkwardness! Gah, it makes it slightly more tricky, when particular people are this friendly with everyone. But it's good for me though, seeing I usually like to avoid conversation as much as possible, but I dunno, I feel fine talking talking to this guy. But now realising what time it is, I'm fucking tired.
But...
Progress
Progress
Progress!
- Mood: tired
-Exploited a parents 'grounding' loophole. Kinda. Point is, went to a party last night. Oh, how I miss those. Got to see my buddies again :)
-Got hammered again, met a boy named Alfio, if I remember correctly...?
-Friends 'secret' fully blown. Honestly thank god, cause it got a bit hard trying very hard to keep my mouth shut. Phew.
-Also, again horribly confused. Kinda want to slap myself around a bit, cause I can't make up my mind. I think it's just overwhelming all these 'opportunities' and I don't know what to do with them...
-NEED TO MAKE UP MY MIND.
-Tired, seedy, but not hungover.
kthnxbai!
- Mood: hungry
( and again, and again, and again )
I need a job. My mind has wandered to ideas of drug selling, and prostitution, and bank-robbing. Really, I feel bad I can't seem to contribute to the household, and I need money to shut mum up a little. I also need to get out and dance. Haven't done it in a while, methinks.
Keeping my chin up :)
Also, possible TMI: after reading certain LJ comms, kinda, sorta, would like a FWB right about now... I'm just sayin' :-D
- Mood: hungry
- Music:Machinae Supremacy
Am tired as all hell, but for once, not hungry whilst on LJ. Been listening to stacks of new music as recommended by two metal friends, both on opposite sides of the metal field. One likes the old 80's metal like Van Halen and Iron Maiden, while the other is into Killswitch Engage, and all the nu metal musics. 'Tis good fun. Got into one band Strapping Young Lad, and it's not too bad, bit out there, but the lead is ugly as fuck. It's like Bill Bailey in his hairstyle, being bald on top, but long 'sweeping' hair at the back. 'Cept that Bill Bailey is 10 times more adorable, and the lead of SYL looks like he's trying too hard to be all metal and scary. Just, no.
:D
This grounding thing is killing me, though apparently I've been informed it's only for a month, as opposed to before when I was told it was indefinite. So I reckon I got about 2 weeks to go or summat, maybe. I'm anxious to get my possessions back after leaving at my friends place, after the fluoro party. I had to quickly leave that day as I was told I was in huge trouble. But all in the past now. Just need my things back.
Been trying to convince 80's metal friend to organise another camping trip, as I'm kinda in the mood for one. He said he'll plan it for the end of March.
:D :D
Ooh, and because I'm a tiny bit of a nerd at the best of times, I've also been watching a lot of online shows lately. First, I started out on 'Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog', created by Joss Whedon, which has Nathan Fillion, AND Neil Patrick Harris, who both are freakin' adorable. It's this one big cheesy 40-minute musical about a villian, Dr Horrible, his arch-nemesis, Captain Hammer, and the damsel, Penny, the object of both their affections. I dig. And it took me by surprise that both Nathan Fillion and NPH can both sing (btw, I totally recommend Dr Horrible's Musical Commentary, in particular Nathan Fillion's 'Better Than Neil')
But then, travelling along youtube, I found a link to this vlog thing, called 'Apartment 4B' from a couple of the creators of Dr Horrible, videoing the internet lives of the residents. A bit hit n miss, but I'm certainly enjoying it.
Lastly, I stumbled across this, while listening to the musical commentary of Dr Horrible, called 'The Guild', mentioned by the actress Felicia Day, who plays Penny in the sing along blog. Then stumbled upon it again while clicking around on youtube, and now I can't stop watching it. It's a short sitcom about the lives of an online guild 'The Knights of Good', with each webisode 3-7 minutes long.
:D :D :D
Am digging my new icon. I love Wash.
Uhh, I want a nap.
- Mood: tired
- Music:Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - 'Everything You Ever'
I love the fact that dad is trying so hard to make an effort with me. He may never apologise, I've come to terms with that, but he told me tonight that he missed me. It made me tear up a little :)
I don't know how this is happening, or completely understand why, but I'm at the moment just going to go with the flow. He took me out for dinner, and we had an actual non-awkward conversation. This makes me feel good. I'm kinda proud of him for resolving his anger issues.
:D
:D
:D
- Mood:
happy
Buzzah!
Ha, you fuckers, I FOUND MY OWN DAMN WAY OF ENTERTAINMENT. There's nothing better than to curl up with a bottle of alcohol of some sort, and just watch stand-up the whole fucking night. Ricky Gervais, brilliant, isn't he? And Dylan Moran, adorable.
( What, what is that? I can't taste it, I can't smell it, I... I... Why am I on a tropical island? )
Sounds a bit rubbish, doesn't it? Gay. On the plus side, I've gone down a dress size :) Now a size 11. NOT that I keep check of it, I just randomly noticed the other day.
- Mood: drunk
I'm sorry.
I just can't deal with this anymore.
I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of everything.
I'm at breaking point.
How much further do I have to fall, for it to all turn around again?
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't want to give up on everything, but I'm scared I'm going to anyway.
I want to go away for a very long time. I don't care where.
I hope I'll be ok.
Yeah, I'll be ok.
- Mood: sad
- Music:Rammstein - 'Stein Um Stein'
Had a party on Friday. Was pretty good. Got 'off my plant', as some of us have now dubbed it. Didn't hook up, which was a little disppointing, but I dunno, I may have been too drunk, but Boon... I dunno. When he was saying goodbye to everyone, he came up to me and hugged me and gave me a peck on the forehead. So I dunno what that means, seeing as he's all manly and mysterious. My annoying friend told me that he gave her a kiss on the cheek when he left as well, but I dunno whether that's just her saying shit, or whether I'm reading too much into things :-S
Went to soundwave on Sunday. Was pretty damn awesome. I have bruises everywhere. The best performance would have to be Nine Inch Nails, where Trent Reznor GOES THE FUCK OFF. Sexy as all hell in person, with his arms, and the sweat.
Oh god.
Anyway, hooked up, again, during the concert. This guy, liked to be called Wilso (?), noticed me getting squashed against someone's back momentarily, during the mosh, and asked if I was ok. He then proceeded to look out for me, every time some wanker tried to shove past me. Freakin' adorable. Moshing around for ages, he then realised that I could, in fact handle myself, and called me 'one tough bitch' (lol). contiued dancing around, then suddenly when there was a bit more room, he knelt down and motioned for me to sit on his shoulders, which I thought 'fuck it', and climbed onto his back. God it was fun. He was quite the tough bitch as well, but after a while, he got shoved, and I fell forward. People must've assumed I was trying to crowd surf or whatever, because I was dragged off (nearly losing my shoe) and carried off towards the front. Freakiest thing ever, you feel like like you're about to fall off at any moment, but I was carried down to the front where the security guys then grabbed me and set me straight. Wilso must've launched himself after me, because then he was getting grabbed by the security guards. He climbed down and picked me up, and then, to put this politely, we started making out. Freakin' unbelievable. '1,000,000' is now my ew favourite new NIN song :-D
When I get my camera back, I'll upload photos or summat.
It was so worth getting lectured at again when I got home, because I'm apparently selfish or whatever.
At this stage, what I'm getting is 'put up with it, fix yourself up, or get out. But if you move out, never speak to us again'
So I pretty much have no choice.
Fuck, just like said, one of the girls at work is starting to become real annoying. When giving me things to do, she keeps checking up on me every two seconds, and repeating her instructions. I KNOW WHAT TO DO, THANK YOU. But I have to keep repeating myself to her over and over. And now she's calling out 'Ashleigh, we're running late!!" OK, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?!? Also, she keeps coughing and spluttering and making weird noise with her nose and throat. And when she's dialling out, she has it on loudspeaker, so if I'm talking to a customer, I can't hear a goddamn thing.
So yeah, she bugs me a little bit :-S
- Mood: sore
- Music:Billy Talent - 'The River Below'
My friend, whom I bitched about a few days ago, seems to be ok now. Which is a good thing, because if she persisted tonight, Evan would have to smack a bitch. Really, I still kinda feel awkward about it, because seeing as I'm going to be in town anyway, she pretty much insisted she pick me up, so we can go to the party tonight. It may be some kind of reconciliation thing, because last night she sent me a message saying 'hey, haven't heard from you all day, how you going?', so... I don't know what she's thinking. I feel a little bad, but eh. I'll deal.
Making a shitload of playlists tonight, gathering up info from different ideas. Gah, curse us for having such an eclectic group! There's the hardcore music playlist, dubbed as 'Blink mix', a Ministry Of Sound playlist 'Electro mix', and lastly a playlist for the other kinds of music, fun songs to dance to or whatever, titled creatively 'Fun mix'. I'm super excited.
Anyway, gotta get ready to go.
- Mood:
awake - Music:Scissor Sisters - 'Take Your Mama Out'
Not enough money to go to the cafe, I sit around reading outside the cafe, without trying to look so much like a leech to the owners. Went back in, got told I'd be answering phones and taking orders off customers. Sweet, that'll give me something to do. Did that, finished up around 4.30, where I looked up and realised the time. Got excited because I thought it was nearly hometime. Not so much. 5pm rolls around, and the others are still inputting orders, still taking calls. Ok, maybe they finish at 5.30pm. Dealable. Half an hour goes by, they're still going. Jesus H Christ, what time do we fucking finish? The girls are organising reports to go downstairs, and I again have nothing to do. 5.45pm, one of them shoves some reports at me to organise into driver runs, which I do. Oh no, they've forgotten something. Reprint. Fuck.
Didn't get out until 6.10pm. Ok, so I've worked admin jobs before, and I've never finished at 6pm. That is ridiculous. The place is sogoddamn unorganised, it's not funny.
Anyway, didn't actually get back to my suburb until8-8.30pm. Mum was still around, so I walked to her work. I am so goddamn tired.
Moar bitching, I dunno whether this is safe, but I figure so, seeing the only person on here who knows this friend is quite safe - My friend asked me how my new job was, so I told her the sitch, AND THEN she turns around and says "hun.. its a job, dont complain babe.. especially after all the time u complained about having not being employed.."
EXCUSE ME?!?
DON'T FUCKING ASK HOW MY DAY WAS THEN!
Not to mention the countless times she's whinged this week about how she needs affection or attention or whatever. Not to mention the past week or so, she’s been whinging about her lack of job, since she came back from Tas. It’s just a bit hypocritical. Suck it up. AND the countless things she's said to me in confidence. Oh dear god. Sometimes I love her, but lately my patience level for her is reaching it's maximum. She's come out with some of the most stupidest shit, and I dunno. It'll be ok, I reckon, but she's seriously fucking up my mojo right now.
I'm gonna keep the job, but in the meantime look for something way closer, that way, I'll still have a backup, even if I get no response. Dad called today and asked how my day was, and even HE was more sympathetic than my friend. Of all people! It's pretty cool, he wants to take me out for dinner on Saturday, to celebrate me getting a job, and possibly (hopefully) the car. Awesome. This seperation is probably the best thing that's happened to Dad and I. Sometimes, we get along better than mum and I have been lately.
I'm tired and tense. Can't wait for this weekend :)
- Mood: exhausted
- Music:Pendulum - 'Midnight Runner'
My latest fight with mum, is about our old suburb St Marys. She's claiming there was only one shopping centre there, near a park, which I know of, but I KNOW there is a second shopping centre with a Coles, which has been there for MANY years, and where we did our grocery shopping. It's so fucking petty and stupid. I even went on google maps and showed her a picture, but she is adamant, that there was only one, and the picture I showed, it must be a new shopping centre. FUCK OFF, she used to get me to go down to Coles if we were low on something like bread or milk, because it was only down the fucking road, whereas the other DID NOT have a Coles, it had a fucking Target, and is much further away! She would not get me to walk that far, at the age of 12 or whatever.
She said she would even check with dad, because my memory is terrible, but then so is his. So there's no point in arguing about it, because she used to walk all over St Marys back when she didn't have a car, and I wouldn't remember, because I was young.
FUCK ME, GET OFF THE FUCKING BOOZE, YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS WOMAN, AND OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES.
This is not working out at all.
:(
- Mood:
pissed off - Music:FEAR FUCKING FACTORY
1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Tag friends (including me) <-- ...? Wtf?
What do your friends think of you?
'Crawl' - Kings Of Leon
Eeee, somewhat applies, methinks.
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say...
'Blow Me Away' - Halo 2 Soundtrack
Just, lol.
How would you describe yourself?
'Sacrifice' - Buffy The Vampire Slayer Soundtrack
o_O
What do you like in a guy/girl?
'Butterflies And Hurricanes' - Muse
How do you feel today?
'Nerve' - Soilwork
What is your life’s purpose?
Living Through Me (Hell's Wrath) - Pantera
What is your motto?
'Just In Case' - Static X
What do you think about very often?
'People = Shit' - Slipknot
Applies most days
What is 2+2?
'Through The Fire And The Flames' - Dragonforce
What do you think of your best friend?
'Relentless' - Strapping Young Lad
Ha ha, true.
What do you think of your special someone?
'Control' - Puddle Of Mudd
A little bit, seeing as the song is pretty much about (I think) kinky sex. Or you know, just control in a relationship
What is your favorite makeout song?
'When Darkness Falls' - Killswitch Engage
Lol, somewhat applies.
What is your life story?
'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' - Wham
Amusing
What do you want to be when you grow up?
'Invincible' - Muse
I DID NOT MAKE THAT ONE UP. But not for me, thanks.
What do you think of when your special someone comes in the room?
'Seperate' - Sevendust
What will you/did you dance to at your wedding?
'Flight Of Icarus' - Iron Maiden
What will they play at your funeral?
'Until It Sleeps' - Metallica
- Mood:fucking terrible
I I I I Need some drugs to knock me out. I STAYED UNTIL PANTHERS CLOSED!!!! AWESOMES. I SWEAR TO GO, I'M TOTLALLY GETTING SOME NEXT WEEK, NO MATTER WHAT.//////
goodnightm, spose it's time for sleepybyes
sorry nat for blurting out stupid shit when obviously you're tring to sleep, and yeah. I LOVES YOU, YOU LITTLE GOOFBALL.
skeeptimes k night love you all.
DAMN YOU FUCKING DAVID (THE FRIEND, NOT THE HOT GUY, MAKING ME GO IN nother car. FUCK.)
EYYYYY, DRUNK....
Oh god I'm kinda glad Ef didn't come, she woulda taken my man. Arrggh, I'm such a horrible friend.
- Mood: drunk
- Music:GODSMACK, SMACK MY GOD UP.
I can see that tonight's going to be one of those fun, talking nights for mum. She's already started. Thank god I'm going out. Thank god I'm getting drunk tonight myself. Seriously, I'm fairly certain I do not care if I hook up tonight or not. Sad, but I just wanna get drunk. Pfft, careful, or I'll start sounding like mum...
Another thing that cuts me on the inside is the fact I seem to indefinitely owe mum money. I did the grocery shopping yesterday, or the day before, I can't remember, and $200 later it's still not enough to clear the apparent debt I have. I have to go shopping again on Sunday for more food that we don't need. According to mum I should be independent, which is what I want, but you know, I just needed some help during my absence from work. Which I figured parents do. But mum must've been calculating in her head all the shit that I should've paid for, if I had a job then. It pisses me off that parents have children, then whinge about them for the rest of their lives. If you're gonna whinge about me, then ya should've been more careful when fucking your boyfriend, mum.
LJ's fault, I'm all of a sudden hungry again.
I also blame the girls night I had last night, for my desperation and loneliness today. Two of them are attached, and one's kinda attached, and another's a whiny bitch sometimes (great friend I am :-S), and it sorta made me realise just in fact how lonely I am. Guh, that sounds fucking terrible. I mean, without sounding like an emotional fag, I figure that yeah, sex is fun, and so are random hook-ups, but very occasionally I'd like someone who does miss me a stackload when I'm not around. God, I'm making myself sick, talking about this shit. It's so fucking cliche. Like that movie 'He's Just Not That Into You'. All the chicks in it were so annoying.
I'm so stressed. I need a holiday. I also need to stop sticking my foot in my mouth, like I have been lately :-S
Ugh, someone just bitchslap me already.
- Mood: crappy
- Music:Apocalytica - 'I Don't Care'
The worst of it *has* to be over, right? All uphill from here, right?
I had my interview today, and the guy was fairly impressed that I used to work for one of the old clients, so I therefore knew all about that industry. It'll make it easier for me, that's for sure.
He pretty much asked at the end of it, 'so you're ok with me putting you down for a start date?'
Uhh, hellz yes. Sign me up, mister.
Hopefully this should get mum off my back a little. If she starts whining at me, I can just chuck some money at her or summat.
So feeling on top of the world. Looking forward to this weekend, and the following weekends. I'm hungry again, I think it's LJ's fault.
Still waking up feeling a bit lesbianish. Bit queer. I blame the hormones. I just want another hook-up, methinks :-S
- Mood: hungry
- Music:Sepultura - 'Roots Bloody Roots'
Meme, stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
neek_love
1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.
I have a shitload of songs... And my computers slow, so I'll wait and wait and wait, for the songs to upload...
21 minutes to go!
Done.
Disturbed - 'Prayer'
Deftones - 'Passenger'
Disturbed - 'Perfect Insanity'
The Rolling Stones - 'Paint It Black'
Slipknot - 'Pulse Of The Maggots'
Not the best bunch, but some are pretty good. Off to a job interview!!
- Mood: chipper
- Music:The Ricky Gervais Podcast
I know, I know, I must be acting as bipolar as Brenda Walsh in BH 90210, but good news this time. I, am ever so popular!
Received two (2!!!) phone calls today for job interviews! Very excited. They both want to see me tomorrow, obviously it can't be done, so one's for Monday. Still pretty damn excited.
Mum hasn't mentioned a word about the whole bank issue o___o
Dunno whether I should be worried. In the past, she has forgotten things like this, until next time she drinks again, but I'm staying quiet for now.
One of the interviews is actually, coincidentally, is with a company that was one of our previous clients from another business I used to work for, if that makes sense. I even remember the guy whom I used to deal with, but he does not remember me, as far as I know.
Things popping up everywhere! Job interviews! Parties! Birthdays!
*le sigh*
- Mood:
busy - Music:Toto - 'Hold The Line'
Because a) she's back on the drink, duh, but also b) when she's fueled, she likes to point out everything I'm doing wrong in my life, and how I'm ruining my life all over again, and I'm back to wasting my time and money by being social again. It pisses me off a lot, that at strange hours of the night, she decides to ACT like a fucking parent. Like it's 10.30 at night, and then she'll want things done. Like put on a load of washing, clean up the kitchen, fold up the washing, empty the bin, whatever. If she wasn't sitting on her fucking backside all afternoon, whinging to her friend on the phone about how useless and selfish we all are, we, including herself, could all be relaxing right now.
And I had to take my sister to netball tonight. Fine. She also got me to pick up a few things from the shops. Fine. I get home, take the shopping up, go back downstairs to take my shoes off, next thing I'm getting hollered at to go feed the dogs or whatever. Then she starts laying into both my sister and I about all the fantastic things my brother and other sister were doing, while we were out. Joy. Yes mum, like I wanted to take my sister to netball. Like my sister even *wanted* to go to netball because of the cold she has, yet you whinged to her about her apparent lack of fitness.
I. NEED. TO. GET. A. FUCKING. JOB. SO. I. CAN. GET. THE. FUCK. OUT.
She now feels the need to march into the bank tomorrow and get my account in her name, so she has control over my funds.
I feel so fucking pathetic.
EDIT: Next morning, I feel this is worth a mention - Mum came and spoke again with me last night, and proposed that if I didn't like the new plan, I could, in fact, get the fuck out. But don't bother trying to talk to her or *HER FAMILY* ever again.
As a side note, I think she's expecting too much of me. Maybe she's comparing me to herself when she was my age. But there's one major difference. I didn't move out when I was sixteen, and I'm not heavily pregnant. Two differences. Whatever. I'm still so goddamn fucking angry.
- Mood: pissed off
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